Order of the Red Band
Here are ten fun-filled goblin facts:
1. Goblins Hate Horses: While goblins excel at riding animals, they do not quite get the whole horse thing. In fact, their hatred of all things horse related is only matched by their fear of horses, who tend to step on goblins who get too close.
2. Goblins Hate Dogs: Although goblins raise their horrible, rat-faced mounts called, creatively enough, goblin dogs, as mounts, their hatred of plain, everyday dogs nearly matches their hatred of horses. Even though goblins are quite adept at riding wolves and worgs, they are quick to explain such animals are NOT dogs. Freaks.
3. Goblins Raid Junkyards: And garbage pits, sewers, gutters…anywhere there’s garbage, you can be sure goblins are nearby. Goblins are weirdly adept at crafting weapons and armor from refuse they find and relish killing people with the things they throw away.
4. Goblins Love to Sing: Sadly for goblins, as catchy as their melodies and lyrics tend to be, the subject matter of goblin songs tend to be a bit too creepy and rather disturbing to catch on in civilized society.
5. They are Sneaky Little Freaks: An excited or angry goblin is a noisy, chattering, toothy menace, but even then, he can drop into an unsettling silence in a heartbeat. This, matched with their diminutive size, makes them unnervingly adept at hiding in places you’d never expect: stacks of wood, rain barrels, under logs, under chicken coops, in ovens.
6. They’re a Little Crazy: The fact that goblins think of ovens as good hiding places reveals much about their inability to think plans through to their most likely outcome. That, and the fact that they tend to be easily distracted, particularly by shiny things and small animals that might make good eating limit their ability to execute even well thought out plans.
7. They’re Voracious: Given enough supplies, a goblin can eat nearly a dozen meals a day. Most goblin tribes don’t have enough supplies to satisfy such ravenous appetites, which is why the little menaces are so prone to raiding.
8. They Like Fire. A lot: Burning things is one of the great pleasures of goblin life. Although they’re generally careful about lighting fires in their own lairs, especially since goblins tend to live in large, tangled thistle patches and sleep on beds of dried leaves, give a goblin a torch and someone else’s home and they’re in goblin heaven.
9. They Get Stuck Easily: Goblins have wiry frames but wide heads. They like to sneak around. Sometimes the body fits where the head will not.
10. Goblins Believe Writing Steals Your Soul: The walls of goblin lairs and the ruins of towns goblins have raided are littered with pictures of their exploits, but they never use writing. Writing is not lucky. Writing steals words out of their head, and once they’re gone, they can’t get them back.